tequila dressage goddess!.

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Friday, August 18th, 2006

Subject:i miss you
Time:1:28 am.
Mood: worried.
classes start again monday, william and i are going back sunday afternoon. i hope this year is better than last year, academically at least;-) but as long as things are better than the past 2 weeks i'll be thankful...i've never had to deal with so much loss before, or fear or helplessness, not just on my part but from so many other people. i guess i'm not handling it as well as i should and i risk alienating people i care about because i'm wandering around in this fog, but part of the reason i feel like i'm on the verge of a breakdown is because i haven't been paying enough attention to me in the first place, i've been trying to put on a happy face - grin and bear it - and act like everything's fine, until now - i'm just lucky to have a few people who will deal with all of this until i snap out of it. it's just so hard to suck it up and be strong for everyone else, even for myself. being absentminded and aloof is much easier than facing what i'm actually feeling. i can't wait until i can get a good night's sleep without waking up shaking or full of adrenaline from another nightmare. maybe it'll help when i'm busy again and have to go to classes all day.
rock my world

Friday, July 21st, 2006

Subject:we pick up change in the street, not in the pit!
Time:1:32 am.
Mood: crazy.
i've been having way too much fun going to concerts of all kinds (seriously...metal, punk, hardcore, opera, symphony, etc...like i can use an etc there, right?)...4 shows (for a grand total of 22 bands and the national symphony orchestra) in the past week and they've all been awesome in their own way, even though danny and daniel wouldn't let me in the pit at sotu! it's been crazy, and summer is starting to sneak away... i don't want to go back to school and responsibility but i guess i kind of miss going to classes. but anyway, just thought i'd let everyone know i'm not dead, just trying to do as much as possible.

william and i are going to blacksburg tomorrow & bringing tuff to see how he handles the trip and living in an apartment, since he'll be living with us for a couple of months after he gets his new hip - should be fun. we're going to see if he barks at the pizza guy...haha

i don't enjoy only being called when you're bored, by the way, because i've tried whether you've noticed or not. am i being passive agressive? probably. i don't even know if you read this but i don't have the time or energy to actually bring it up.
1 little earthquake| rock my world

Sunday, May 7th, 2006

Subject:pegleg jennaface and carmen marrying gavin...
Time:4:25 pm.
Mood: stressed.
Of particular interest to Megan, Jenna, and Carmen...even though Mark was kind of involved! I just stumbled across this because I should definitely be looking through old LJ stuff instead of studying for organic chemistry!

3 little earthquakes| rock my world

Time:1:27 pm.
i can't shake the feeling that i've lost touch with absolutely everyone unless they're in this blacksburg bubble that's so hard to get out of. i don't know if it's irreparable or not, but i think i'm coming across as not caring about a lot of people anymore because i let this crazy, busy, pull-out-my-hair year get in the way of my friendships. i feel very out of the loop/out of touch, but if you're reading this, i love you:-) i'm home for most of the summer, except for whenever i'm here or at the beach so give me a call

is anyone free may 28th? let me know;-)

good luck with everyone graduating this year(alicia, megan, jenna! i didn't forget anyone did i?) and congratulations!, i'm so jealous! one more year for me but it's filled with lots of fun classes and hopefully not organic chemistry so i guess i can deal with another year!
6 little earthquakes| rock my world

Tuesday, April 11th, 2006

Subject:point me to the sky above, i can't get there on my own
Time:12:08 am.
Mood: stressed the fuck out!.
okay, so i've condensed my 200 pages of notes for reproductive physiology into a 7 page study guide to look over between classes tomorrow, i read ALL the chapters, highlighted important stuff, read over them again (all after finishing my 16 page ag finance project, ugh). i read through last year's koofers and answered most of the questions. i went over notes with caitlin and jenn, filled in the blanks from when i spaced out in class... if i get another freaking bad grade in this class i'm going to go crazy in the repro lab and start throwing things at people. and the repro lab is not the best place to have something thrown at you. it seems the more i study, the worse i do, but i'm determined to get a decent grade out of this.

i can't wait till THURSDAY after my ag finance exam so i can ride, work out with jenn without worrying about what exam i'm not studying for, and be finished with this crappy week and go HOME to see my parents and animals and have easter dinner and take shannon out for her birthday!
rock my world

Monday, February 27th, 2006

Time:5:50 pm.
if you know you're going to have the week from hell, it is not advisable to check grades from last week's almost, but not quite, equally hellish week. 4 exams, 2 lab reports, and one ag finance project left to go!

isn't it spring break yet?

on a brighter note, i had an awesome weekend;-) thanks guys (and sam!)
rock my world

Wednesday, February 1st, 2006

Time:10:31 am.
I haven't posted in a while...I thought I was busy last semester but it's much crazier this semester. In a good way though...classes aren't too bad, so maybe I can have a little bit more fun this time. I've been trying to squeeze in some time between school and work and equestrian club/dressage team stuff to work out - so far, I've worked out every night since last Friday, so maybe I'm back in the swing of things and I won't get lazy about it again. Our dressage team is hosting a dressage show (the same weekend as the western show and our educational Sunday given by the SW VA dressage association - it's going to be a crazy weekend!) and somehow I became responsible for prizes for the top 4 teams (hopefully both of our teams will be up there), high point rider, and reserve high point....usually we just give whoever wins a halter or a saddle pad, but this year I'm putting together buckets with all kinds of horsey stuff and cute paintings on them - I hope they're appreciated! Next Saturday, the team is going to St. Andrews, we're hosting our show the weekend after that, then the next weekend I'm going home to take care of the animals while Mom and Dad are out of town, and the week after that is spring break! So I had to take off work 50 gajillion weekends in a row, darn. I'll be soooo happy when spring break gets here - I have 5 tests the week before (one is a reproductive physiology lab practical, 45% of my lab grade); I will be soooo ready to relax.

I'm having a Superbowl party on Sunday, hahaha...I don't care who wins but it's a great way to get out of working till 8!

Hope everyone has a great day:-)
2 little earthquakes| rock my world

Thursday, January 5th, 2006

Time:2:41 am.
Mood: drunk.
Go Texas!!! Heather, you must be so proud:-)

I soooo should have been betting money on the bowl games this season, Hokies won (yay!), LSU won, Penn State won, UT won, UVA won, the only one I watched that didn't go the way I wanted it was the Iowa game (because of a bad call!)

Anyway, had tons of fun tonight watching Fraggle Rock at Daniel's and drinking too much Mike's and Killians. I guess I should start getting back into the swing of things and stop drinking so much... I can't believe classes start in a week and a half...I don't think I'm ready. I mean...I'm ready to start riding again (I'm soooo out of shape, I'm sure), and repro should be fun (but really hard!) because of Caitlin and Jenn and Brynn; I guess I'm just worried about ochem/ochem lab - I've heard they're both tons harder than the first semester of each, and I sucked those up big time.

I got to see my family in North Carolina! It was great to see everyone after so long. This weekend it's Maryland to see Cheryl/Wayne/Lauren/Brennan and Rick/Gigi/Jesse/Jay/Joey. I mean, I won't see much of the guys since there's a Redskins game on Saturday, but time with Mom and Gigi and Cheryl is usually fun, or at least interesting...

I can't wait to start going to shows again, it'd be great if I got to ride in the NC State game so I can maybe stay in Raleigh and hang out with Jen. I'm so sad, they're selling Joe (my love away from home) and Dewey, and they've already sold Solo, O'Toole, and I think Devon...I know our riding program has gotten some great new horses but come on, don't sell my favorites!!! I love Joe, and he's only $1500, but we already have 6 horses and it's just too many on the little land we have. I'll miss him a bunch though. Hopefully I can ride Impulse a lot this semester; he makes me feel like a good rider;-)

I had a great time seeing everyone this break, even if it wasn't for very long!(for some of you!) Take care, and have a great semester, good trip back to school, etc. If you're still in town this weekend/next week, call me - we should get together!
5 little earthquakes| rock my world

Sunday, December 11th, 2005

Time:11:59 pm.
After meeting Lewis, Dirk, and Handlebar Hank, I don't think my life will ever be the same...then again, neither will Glen's!

I'm so glad I went home this weekend, we almost didn't since exams got changed from Friday to Saturday, but it turned out to be a really good idea...we saw Darkest Hour in Fburg with Daniel, then went back and hung out at Daniel's for a while and I got to spend time people who make me laugh so hard I almost puke, thanks guys! Prank calls are the best.

I want Corona baaaaad but it's after midnight, boo. I guess I should go study for organic chemistry or pull my hair out whichever!
rock my world

Thursday, December 8th, 2005

Time:12:24 pm.
it is NOT okay for webmail to be down during exam week when i have emails out to professors and i can't get them answered! grrrr

i need a drink
rock my world

Wednesday, December 7th, 2005

Subject:I've been dying to tell you anything you want to hear
Time:12:05 am.
Mood: crazy.
i'm no longer dating a younger man! happy birthday baby;-)

i don't have to take my nutrition final - i'm so excited! it kinda sucks because i have a b+ (which would have curved to an a if some girl didn't have a 99.9 average...)and if i take the final i have to get at least a 98 to get an a, and i don't want to risk getting a lower grade so i think i'll just take advantage of my extra study time so i can dedicate it to ochem and equine evaluation. besides, brynn and jenn aren't taking it either and without my study group i don't know what i'd do! as long as i have a couple other a's to balance out whatever i get in ochem - hopefully i can pull off a b, i don't want stupid ochem to be my first c since ms fowler's ap bio class...

our dressage team is #2 in the region! we're only behind VIC (of course)...i didn't think we'd been doing quite that well but if we keep it up, we get to go to nationals! jenni and i are the only intro riders for spring so far, so i'll probably get to compete in more shows next semester than i did this time.

i'm feeling a lot less stressed about finals than usual...i suppose that'll change monday night when i start freaking out about ochem:-P

good luck to everyone on your finals!! see you SOON - we need another girls' night!!
rock my world

Sunday, December 4th, 2005

Time:1:33 pm.
2 little earthquakes| rock my world

Thursday, December 1st, 2005

Time:12:49 am.
I HATE: 7 page papers I don't start until 10 because I had to work late

I LOVE: being FINISHED with my first semester of ochem lab! and not feeling too bad about the final either
3 little earthquakes| rock my world

Monday, November 28th, 2005

Time:10:43 pm.
it's good to be back in blacksburg! though i'm not looking forward to my ochem lab exam, research paper on biomass as an alternative fuel source, million quizzes in all my classes, or the semi-final-exam masquerading as a quiz in nutrition (sneaky dr. herbein!) all this week! next week will be a breeeeeze though, maybe one exam but i'm not too sure yet, other than that just trying to get some hours at work to maybe be able to pay off my credit card before christmas:-)

i had a great thanksgiving break, thanks to everyone i got to chill with, i had a blast! i have some pics from RT's up on facebook, supercute. it rained too much and i didnt spend nearly enough time with nell or gee, but i did get to ride an awesome dressage horse at jenn's. tons of family time too, which was good and something i definitely needed. i also saw danny & annie (and their adorable new kitty) for the first time in 5 months or something insane like that. would have seen brandon and joy too, if brandon hadn't gotten his tooth shot out! (although joy is amused at his new nickname, jack-o-lantern, i'm not sure brandon feels the same)

we're getting a new roof at home and mom had nowhere to put the cats while the guys do the back porch, so for the next 2 weeks i have 4 cats in my apartment - ahhh! fiesta de los gatos!

ok, off to study or write or research or sleep or something like that.
2 little earthquakes| rock my world

Saturday, November 19th, 2005

Time:11:19 pm.
HELL YES! Not only did VT win their game today against UVA(yayayayayay!) but Georgia Tech beat Miami, which means if we beat UNC, we're going to the ACC Championship! It sucks that we're not undefeated anymore (stupid Miami) but this is awesome! I wish I could go to more games this semester :-( but I went to some good ones at least.

I'm at home till next Sunday or maybe Monday depending on how I did on my Ochem exam and whether or not I should skip class on Monday. So - anyone wanting to get together, just call my cell or call me at home, I'm free *most* of the week. Tomorrow Mom, William and I are going to Morven Park in Leesburg to watch dressage - some really high caliber riding too. I get extra credit and a chance to take some really awesome pictures, and it's supposed to be a beautiful day. Tuesday I'm probably going to Jenn's to ride with her and Brynn, I love my guys but it'll be cool to ride some new horses.

Kenny brought his girlfriend Sarah over today, she's pretty cool. She's a Family Guy and Law & Order fan, loves animals, and doesn't mind that between Dad and William the tvs were pretty much on football the WHOLE DAY (ok I won't lie, I wanted to watch too) so I really like her, I think this one's going to work out!! Dad was so funny today, he had on his VT Dad sweatshirt, and his Iowa hat (where he went to school); both his teams won so I guess it worked!

Wow, when did I start liking football so much? I've been brainwashed by Blacksburg!!! But it's nice when the guys at work or my TA ask me if I saw the game the other day, even if it's not a Tech game, and I usually at least know who won and why it's important! William's loving it so it's all good.

I want to go back to Myrtle and have a do-over of last week, things didn't go quite as well as they should have. I had a good time but it was really stressful and there was so much tension. I got to spend a lot of time with my new nephew Felix though, he is SO ADORABLE and knows my name even though he's met me twice and he's 21 months old. I guess I could've used a day to relax after my "relaxing" beach weekend;-)

Anyway, I hope everyone's having a great weekend, can't wait to see you:-)
1 little earthquake| rock my world

Tuesday, November 8th, 2005

Time:1:20 am.
first it was taking an extra year to finish my undergrad, to get a minor and catch up on prereqs since i transferred and all. but now i might be taking a year off...ugh. i don't know what to do...would i really be motivated enough to go back after a year? (haha, after working full time at a job that has nothing to do with my major, and watching william and my friends keep going to class? probably so! i guess that's not an issue)

has anyone done the whole loan thing? do you recommend it? this is really not the way i want to go until grad school where i'll definitely need it, but i'm not entirely sure i have any other choice...the whole idea of oweing that much money after school is really terrifying though.
9 little earthquakes| rock my world

Tuesday, November 1st, 2005

Time:1:45 am.
I am turning over a new leaf. I'm finished feeling sorry for myself - if anything I should embrace the fact that I have all this time to be alive and happy and have fun and do what I want with my life, and letting myself get so down is not going to change anything at all so I might as well take advantage of what I have in front of me, right?

Sorry if I've been distant, strange, whatever. I can't promise it will stop but I love all of you even if it seems otherwise.
3 little earthquakes| rock my world

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